How Much Did Men Value Women in Confucian China?
Part 1 of a Series on Love in Confucian China
(Pictured: the Four great beauties of Ancient China: Xi Shi, Wang Zhaojun, Diaochan, and Yang Yuhuan)
Disclaimer: this is a difficult topic, as the Sonoma Sage must ground his analysis not on historical facts but instead on evidence teased out from the multitude of stories which the Chinese told themselves. Further, different regions of China - like Sichuan - have quite different attitudes about love and romance than are found in the original heartland of China. Also, attitudes changed over time. So, this is the Sage’s general summary, which is perhaps most true for China in the late Ming & early Qing Dynasties.
The Chinese do not regard romantic love between men & woman as good.
Unlike in Europe, where finding true romantic love has long been regarded as one of the greatest things a man and woman can ever hope to experience, the Chinese do not regard romantic love as having much value at all.
Further, the Chinese believe that it is a mistake for a man to spend much effort to win a woman. It is a character flaw for a man to care overmuch about any woman. It is an error in judgment for a man to love a woman. A man should respect his wife. A man should treat his daughters with proper care and see they are raised correctly. A man must honor his mother. But love? Passionate love? Do things to win a woman’s affection? Such behavior is wrong and not what a Chinese gentleman is expected to do.
In European culture, one of the most common plot lines is: boy meets girl, boy & girl fall in love, boy loses girl, boy goes on heroic quest to get the girl. We see this in the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice. This plot is also part of the Argonauntica: Jason & the quest for the golden fleece. This plot is at the center of all five of the surviving Greek novels (see: the Aethiopica, Daphnis and Chloe, Leucippe and Clitophon, Callirhoe, and the Ephesian Tale). Medieval and modern European stories with this plot are too numerous to mention.
This story does not exist in Chinese legends, or drama.
Again, the standard European plot of a heroic young man going on a quest to save the woman he has fallen in love with - makes no sense to the Chinese. It was considered improper - foolish - boorish - behavior for a man to risk his life on behalf of a woman, no matter how beautiful she was.
The Sage admits there is one example of such a story. It is found in the Qing drama Bright Sun Building. The Sage believes this Beijing Opera was actually borrowed from Europeans and rewritten for a Chinese audience in the 1800s. The Sage believes this for two reasons. First, while the heroes in the story are taken from the famous novel The Water Margin, the events in the Bright Sun Building are not found in the novel - it is an early piece of fanfiction. Second, Beijing Opera is a late Qing art form, with most of its stories written between 1750 and 1890, a time when Chinese art was increasingly influenced by Europeans.
Here is a more typical example of proper behavior by a gentleman. In Chen Congshan Loses His Wife on Mei Ridge (from Stories Old & New by Feng Menglong) a scholar-official named Chen is traveling with his wife to a new post. While crossing a high pass, a mountain demon seizes Chen’s wife and runs off with her. Chen, after looking around for a day, continues on his journey. After he spends three full years at his post, Chen - on his way back to the capital - takes the same mountain pass, hoping to get some news about his missing wife. Thanks to the aid of a powerful Buddhist abbot, the Mountain Demon is defeated and Chen’s wife is returned to him. Chen did very little to effect her rescue. He didn’t even send some of his Yamen staff to search for her! Is his wife aggrieved at her husband’s lack of effort on her behalf? Not at all. They are both grateful to the Abbot for his help and they live happily ever after in the capital city.
From a European perspective, Scholar Chen is not a man at all. Instead of moving heaven and earth to get his woman back, Chen does nothing for three whole years. From a Chinese perspective, his behavior towards his wife was correct and proper.
Here is an example of why a Chinese man does not chase after a woman:
In the story Wan Xiuniang Takes Revenge (Feng Menglong, Volume 2), an abducted and abused bride-to-be is about to commit suicide when a traveling swordsman tells her that he will help her. He attacks the young woman’s abductors and… is killed by them! When the Sage read this story he practically fell out of his chair. This would never happen in a European or Persian story. For the Europeans, a traveling hero, who bravely offers to help a beautiful young maiden in distress will succeed. That’s what happens in Europe, time after time. Not In China.
Again, there are exceptions. There is one famous story about a man who actually fell in love with a woman he did not know and successfully married her.
The story is called Scholar Tang Gains a Wife After One Smile (Feng Menglong, volume 2). In that story, a top scholar, famous in his city for his erudition and who had passed two of the three levels of the Imperial Exam, saw a woman on a boat, and decided to get her as his first wife. He ended up spending more than a year winning over the girl’s owner - she turned out to be a maid for the prime wife of a wealthy retired scholar-official in a town on the shore of the West Lake. Tang’s careful plans finally came to fruition and he married the girl. One might think that the girl’s master would be pleased about this as his new son-in-law was a famous scholar - but no! No. The girl’s master was greatly annoyed for a year before the two men were finally reconciled.
The culturally appropriate way to marry a woman in China was to have a go-between. You told a theoretically neutral person that you wanted to find a wife - either for yourself or your son - and this go-between was tasked with finding an appropriate match. Many times you already had a woman in mind because you knew about her - or had even seen her - but even so, the match-maker was necessary so as to put the community on notice that this marriage wasn’t based on some foolish thing like love! The go-between sometimes acted much like an escrow agent, negotiating a suitable exchange of gifts, and the transfer of the bride to the husband’s house on the day of the wedding ceremony. Remarkably, two Chinese families whose children get married never actually had to meet in person - ever.
Here are some stories which the Chinese tell each other as to why a man should never love a woman:
A story which is 2,500 years old is about one of the most beautiful women in Chinese history: Xi Shi. Because of King Fuchai’s passion for Xi Shi, his kingdom lost it’s coherence and it was conquered 15 years after Fuchai met Xi Shi. Every subsequent Chinese ruler was told, Don’t be like Fuchai. Don’t treat any woman like Xi Shi!
A Chinese aristocrat Hsun Ts’an, once told his friends A woman’s virtue is unimportant, her beauty is all that matters. Hsun’s wife was indeed very beautiful, but the people who knew him were shocked, and one said, Let’s hope that men of later ages are not led astray by Hsun Ts’an’s remark. The next winter, Hsun’s wife came down with a deadly fever. Hsun Ts’an stood in his courtyard till he was chilled, then returned to her bed room to press his cold body against her. She died despite his efforts. A month later, one of his friends came to visit Hsun Ts’an and found he was utterly disconsolate. His friend told him, Since you say you don’t care about anything but a woman’s beauty, it should be easy to find another wife. Why are you so grieved? Hsun replied I cannot endure her loss. My pain and sorrow know no end. He died a few months later. All who knew him said Hsun Ts’an was a fool (A New Account of Tales, pg. 522).
There are many, many more such examples from the popular accounts of Chinese history. It is common to ascribe bad decisions by important men as stemming from too much interest in beautiful women. One example is blaming the downfall of the Sui Dynasty on the first Sui Empress: Wenxian. As one might expect, sometimes the blame was completely unfair to the woman. Meaning: the Chinese men liked ascribing the downfall of a man because of his love for a woman, even when it was not true.
Example: The disaster of the An Lushan rebellion is usually blamed on Yang Yuhan (AKA: Yang Guifei). This despite the fact that the people who knew the situation best actually blamed the remarkably devious Chancellor, Li Linfu.
Chinese scholars criticized each other’s taste for beautiful women by quoting Confucsius who said I have not seen one man who loves virtue as he loves beauty [in a woman]. Analects, Book 15, chapter 12.
Note:
The five virtues of a woman were: chaste (meaning: not interested in sexual relations), obedient+compliant, gracious+cultivated, skilled at weaving silk/linen, and finally - beautiful. (A New Account of Tales, pg 366).
To Be Continued…